Bookweek Round-up goes Rogue…

So, Book News this week has been left entirely up to me… …bwahahahah *low, evil cackle*.

Shall we shake things up a bit?

Right - first off, I write for children and as such, am completely passionate about kid’s books. Since I’m in charge then, the news this week will be about what interests me (power is dangerous in the wrong hands!) And instead of just letting you know what’s happening in the world of literature - I’m going to tell you what I think about it. There’s no-one here to stop me, they’re all off doing other things. (Oh and there will be loads of animal pictures, because I live in a menagerie)

So, let’s talk about Katie Price and her Nibbies nomination. This piece of news was in Book News a while ago but I didn’t get the chance to go off my head about it then, and now Michael Rosen, Children’s Laureate has commented, “We get too hung up about authorship. None of us writes a book entirely on our own. We get help from editors, or ideas might come from conversations with our families, or children. The issue is whether the book’s good, not who has written it.”

So let’s compare. There’s a book ghost-written by some poor struggling writer, who probably has no choice but to churn them out in order to keep a roof over their head but isn’t allowed to take any of the glory since it makes more money to stick the name on the front of a Page 3 model who rose to fame by taking her clothes off. And there’s me, using inspiration, observation and contemplation I spend days, weeks, months, years turning my idea into readable prose by hard graft and learning the craft and struggling and being rejected and redoing it and being rejected again and rewriting and… really? Jordan gets to be called an author. Really Mr Rosen?

I expect the novel with the famous-person-pretending-to-be-a-writer’s name on the cover is very good, I’m not disputing its quality - but as far as I’m concerned it’s a fake and as such should be seized by Customs and Excise and impounded with the phoney Gucci bags and replica Rolexes.

And now Heather Mills is getting in on the act, because how hard can it be to write a children’s novel? I mean, if you have a kid, then surely that’s all the qualification you need. I’ve had a filling, so I suppose I can hang out my sign and become a dentist? Appendectomy? Ah, maybe I’ll be a surgeon tomorrow. But I suppose it doesn’t really matter, since she won’t actually have to learn how to write a book, she’ll just get someone else to do it for her and then they’ll slap her name on the front. I mean, according to Mr Rosen, that’s how we all do it anyway.

Okay, moving on, what else can I get my teeth into *glancing over my shoulder to check if any of the others are back yet*

Disney have turned The Famous Five into a cartoon. Well, they’re saying it’s The Famous Five but the characters are all new (the offspring of the original five) - all except Timmy the dog, who appears to have consumed some dog-food elixir of life and not aged one bit (although he’s morphed into a sleek new breed). What I don’t understand is why they couldn’t have written a new cartoon about five kids solving mysteries with the help of an amazingly clever rejuvenating dog? I mean, essentially that’s what it is. Why call it the Famous Five? Marketing? Appealing to the parents? Well, this parent is nothing but furious to have a beloved book of her childhood mashed by the marketing machine. Instead of using courage, ingenuity and the scabby contents of their pockets to solve intricate mysteries, the new 21^st Century Cyber-Five use iPhones, iPods and iCrap to catch rogue DVD pirates. What more can I say… *shakes head in despair*

Just in case you’re thinking I’m just here for a moan, let’s chat about some lovely stuff. The Times/Chicken House Children’s Fiction Competition results have been announced and Emily Diamand has won with a novel called Reavers. The extract is compelling and I’ll be lined up to buy the novel when it’s released in October. Congratulations to her and to The Times and Chicken House for organising a competition to give new children’s writers a fighting chance.

I love this piece of news. Don’t read the classics, watch them. I was an expert at the avoidance of homework, unfortunately in my day very little of the classics had been turned into movies. I am so jealous of my daughter’s future skiving ability, although I won’t be drawing this piece of news to her attention; part of the fun is discovering these things for yourself and thinking your mother will never find out.

Another wonderful piece of kid-book news is that parents are advised to make up their own bedtime stories. Of course, as a children’s writer I shouldn’t really be backing something that might see me out of a job. But actually I’d love not to have a career for this reason. Stories are just so important for children and the connection a parent can experience with their child through shared imaginings is beyond measure. Stories can make sad children laugh, they can banish pain and they can solve problems, and what is better for a child than time spent with parents talking and dreaming. I would gladly save my stories exclusively for my own children if all parents would do the same.

In the den this week

Well, I’ve just read everyone’s blog and no-one is talking about kids at all this week, although over at Doing the Compossible there are some of the best parent/child exchanges to be found on the web.

So since I’m in control (but time is rapidly running out!) here’s the funniest clip on YouTube…

Gotta run before I get caught, they’ll be back soon… *hears clicking heels and disappears sharpish*